Pointless questions

(From: http://www.splendidezine.com/departments/pq/maxeen.html)
You can choose to have one -- and only one -- super power. Other than gaining that power, you remain exactly the same as you are now. What super power would you pick, and why?
Jay Skowronek: That's easy. I'd be like Aquaman and shoot those circular rings out of my forehead and make whales follow me when I go surfing. Why would I pick this super power? I have no idea. It's just a cool thing to do.

What was your favorite day job, and why? If you hated them all, what was the best (meaning most interesting) way you ever quit a job?
Jay Skowronek: I worked at a reality TV company in the Valley for a long time. I was their "office guy". Basically, that meant doing everything that no one else wanted to do. But the people were great, and it made it okay to work there -- I didn't mind going to work.

We've all heard variations on the phrase "there are two kinds of people in the world... Those who (do or think something) and those who (do or think something else)". What are the two kinds of people in the world for you?
Jay Skowronek: Those who sweat a lot, and those who don't seem to sweat that much, but smell really bad afterwards for some reason.

If money/ambition/significant others/et cetera were all non-issues, where would you choose to live and why?
Jay Skowronek: I'd probably be exactly where I am right now -- Los Angeles. It's just got everything I've ever wanted in a city.

You've been given the money and resources to produce a movie biography of the most significant, influential person in your life. Who's it about, what's the story, and who plays the central character?
Jay Skowronek: Adam Ant. We were just listening to his early stuff in the van on the way to Tucson, and his stuff was just so good. I guess it would just be about him coming up in the music biz... How he found his band and got to where he needed to go. Who would play him? Sandy Duncan. Sandy Duncan or Lou Ferrigno.

Summarize your driving ability in 25 words or less.
Jay Skowronek: The best driver ever.

What is the function of your music in a capitalist society?
Jay Skowronek: Well, I can't really answer that, because you should take it and interpret it as you will. It's however it affects you in your life and how it pushes or pulls you, changes your views on things, how it makes you feel.

You've just entered a contest in which the prize is an MP3 player loaded with the complete, exhaustive recorded output of any artist you choose. You win. Who do you choose?
Jay Skowronek: Jeff Buckley.

What are you carrying on your person -- in your pockets, purse, et cetera -- right now?
Jay Skowronek: A wallet with no money in it and a cell phone I can't afford to have. Ooh, and my van keys!

You're on tour, you're in an unfamiliar city, you haven't eaten in 24 hours, and due to some poor financial decisions, you have only a single unit of the local currency -- one dollar, one pound, or thereabouts. What do you eat?
Jay Skowronek: I'm a sucker for Crepes. We started eating them when we went to Paris in January. So good... I think America has forgotten the lost art of the crepe.

What was the last song you danced to? Who, if anyone, did you dance with?
Jay Skowronek: I disco-danced on stage at a club in Sacramento, California, recently. Can't remember the song. It was so bad that I had to slam it. I was dancin' with myself, oh ho ho ho...

Post-Schwarzenegger, are there any high-profile people you'd like to see run for governor or other high office? Who and why?
Jay Skowronek: Umm, Shannon, our guitarist, should run for some public office. I also think Captain Lou Albano or Roddy Roddy Piper could be of use in a public office, too.

Apart from cheeseburgers, what is the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast?
Jay Skowronek: Flapjacks, smothered with blueberries and whipped cream.

You receive a series of e-mails stating that Grace Jones, Junior Brown, Missy Elliott, Ian Mackaye and Philip Glass are interested in a collaboration. How do you respond to each request?
Jay Skowronek: Well, I like Junior Brown, but I have to say I'd gravitate towards Ian or Grace. Scratch Ian out. Grace has won. Ever since View to a Kill, I haven't figured out what type of sex organ(s) live in Grace Jones's pants. She's an enigma inside an enigma. But apparently she and Dolf are quite happy and trying to start a family.

Have you ever seen a ghost? Or a dead body? Tell us about it.
Jay Skowronek: Nope. Never seen a ghost. Just old, dead relatives.

Everyone can do at least a couple of decent imitations -- of celebrities, maybe, or associates, friends and family. Who can you "do"?
Jay Skowronek: I love to make fun of my dad. I don't see him that much, since we're always on tour, so I like to call him up and break his balls about anything and everything.

What was the last book you read and hated? Why did you hate it?
Jay Skowronek: I tried reading Dante's Divine Comedy, and I got to page six and just couldn't fucking understand a word. I tried re-reading those pages, then just gave up. He was crazy.

Let's assume that God is a DJ. What's on his playlist right now?
Jay Skowronek: The Pixies, The Replacements, Elmore James, Neil Young, PJ Harvey, early Michael Jackson, and Smokey and the Miracles.

Who was your favourite teacher in high school? Why?
Jay Skowronek: I never had a favorite teacher in high school.

What is your favorite Meg Ryan movie?
Jay Skowronek: I can't stand Meg Ryan. Was she in Innerspace?

What is your favorite "comfort food" when you're on tour?
Jay Skowronek: Regular M&Ms, or McFlurries...

Tell us about the least likely place you ever sent a CD/demo. Why did you send it? What happened?
Jay Skowronek: Wow, I mostly sent demos to clubs when I was in other bands, just trying to score gigs or tours. I can't remember all of the crappy places I had to send 'em to.

What essential item are you most likely to leave at home when you're heading out on tour? What do you do about it?
Jay Skowronek: Foot powder, of course. When I don't have it, I make Shannon and Tom suffer for a few weeks, then I'll spend the $3.00 and pick up a container.

Aliens have just landed, and you get to select the Earth's goodwill ambassador. Who do you pick, and why?
Jay Skowronek: The late, great John Ritter. I don't know why.

You wake up one morning and discover that you have dolphin telepathy. What do you do with it?
Jay Skowronek: Ahhh...weird. That kind of relates to question #1. See question #1. What would I do with it? What I would want to do would be happening on land, so I wouldn't do much, would I?

You've just been hit in the face with a large chocolate cream pie. How do you react?
Jay Skowronek: Just lick it up. I love chocolate, cream, sugar...anything like that.

Assuming that you must choose one, which would you rather listen to for an hour: Christian rock, mainstream country or Jessica Simpson?
Jay Skowronek: Jessica Simpson. I think I'm developing a mild secret crush on her.

What's the deal with those damn raccoons?
Jay Skowronek: If they're rabid, just call your local authorities.

What is the most awkward moment in which you have caught a person adjusting, scratching, or otherwise handling his or her own genitals?
Jay Skowronek: Well, when you live near a park, you will generally see homeless dudes spanking off or something like that. The first time you see it, you're kind of taken aback, but then it becomes so common that it really doesn't faze you. I mean, everyone masturbates, right? Right?

Where do you think Osama Bin Laden is hiding and what would it take to get him to come out?
Jay Skowronek: He's probably living in a suburb of Philadelphia. Maybe we could have him go on a lecture tour with Salman Rushdie.

You're sitting in a pub when an errant dart from the games area strikes you in the leg. With the dart pointing out of your body, do you pull it out, shout for help or attack the jackass who hit you?
Jay Skowronek: Pull it out and then douse the wound with a Guinness.

What would you consider to be the worst fate imaginable for your music, and which contemporary artist would you most wish this terrible end upon?
Jay Skowronek: I don't wish ill on any contemporary artist. Actually, no. That's not true. Jimmy Buffett strikes a strong chord with my inner hatred. But he's already successful beyond his own imagination. The worst thing is to not have anyone hear or like your music.

What is sexy?
Jay Skowronek: Sexy is leaving some things up to the imagination. Prince is sexy. Madonna was once sexy. Christina Aguilera? Never sexy. She's trashy. I love nudity, but keep some clothes on. Let my imagination actually have a shot for once.

Which reality TV game show could you see yourself as a winning contestant on? Explain.
Jay Skowronek: The Price is Right. It's just the worst white trash game show ever. And maybe Bob Barker would make a pass at me and I could sue him for some $$$.

What is the strangest thing you've ever had for breakfast?
Jay Skowronek: Nothing strange. I like to keep it simple with breakfasts. Cereal with bananas.

Describe the skankiest, sketchiest place -- whether it's someone's home or a hotel/motel room -- that you've stayed in while on tour.
Jay Skowronek: We played a show in Passau, Germany, and stayed in this divey flat that was just too gross for words. I'm not sure if they were anarchists or something, but it was just bad. I was glad to leave in the morning!

If you had an army of super-intelligent lab mice to do your bidding, what evil deeds would you have them do?
Jay Skowronek: Nothing evil. Definitely something positive. Maybe I'd have them vacuum out our van. It needs to be cleaned.